As my summer schedule has finally slowed down, it leaves a lot of time for reflection. Lately, I have tried to read as much as possible about short term missions as I possibly can. And most of the time, I don’t like what I read.
On one side, I read a lot of reports of short-term missions trips and I am very critical. I have become more and more critical of other’s trips because I am a judgmental jerk. (At least I openly admit it.) Many trips these days have seemed to become all about the goers. I glanced at some missions trip photos recently, and all of the captions had this voice behind it of how blessed the receivers were because the goers decided to “sacrifice” by coming. I don’t mean to be a jerk about it, but it happens. 
On a further note, I hate it, because it’s so reflective of my attitude many times, especially in the past. I remember my first trip to Haiti, I was overwhelmed by the poverty and felt that by giving my material goods, I was benefiting them. The more I have gone to Haiti though, the more I question everything I’ve done in the past and in the future. I run a lot. When my shoes get worn out with 600-700 miles, they’re done. I had the idea I could take them and give them to people in Haiti… Today, I look back and think…”Wow, who wouldn’t want a pair of shoes whose sole has been rubbed raw, have miles worth of sweat and stink, and are far from brand new?” My rescue mentality was shifted from actually helping those in need in the most beneficial way to appeasing my conscience by “giving” yet, in the end, it was just crap I didn’t want.
People talk about how great the work I do in Haiti is, but Haiti has warped me. I feel sick a lot times when I think about Haiti, because I don’t really know how much I’m doing. Yes, relationships are worth a lot. But many times, that seems to be the only substance I have to contribute to my friends in Haiti. Yet, I could never imagine not going to visit them…those are my kids, friends, and adopted family. I love them – not in a “We just spent a week at church camp…” friendly sort of way, but no, really, I love them.
So on side number one, I see people congratulating themselves and pretending like Haiti has suddenly benefited greatly and is on a quick road to recovery because of their presence. I guess it’s easy to see it, because many times, I identify with that sentiment. Those kids were lucky I brought them candy, right? How blessed they are because of me…right? Wrong, Ryan. Wrong. Stop patting yourself on the back. Serve. Go to serve, not serve yourself.
On the other side of the coin are the voices of those who live and serve full-time on the mission field. Those are the true heroes of missions. They are the backbone to getting things done, and they do things right. I love reading the thoughts of people on the front line. The people who don’t just say they love the people of Haiti (or whatever country) but they show it through the services they freely give.
But what I don’t like about it, is the truth that they speak. They speak, sometimes, of the negative sides of short-term missions trips. The side of seeing people come in with the previously mentioned attitudes and how that negatively affects a team, or worse, the people they went to “serve.”
Or better yet, reading how many times, Americans treat Haiti and other third world countries as a sort of museum of poverty. They go, look, observe those pitiful poor people, go back and tell everyone we should be thankful for what we have. And many times, we miss the fact that beneath the surface of the poverty are people who have so much more than our shallow lives in America can ever give. If all we get out of a missions trip to a place of poverty is how much we have, then its a huge failure.
Or, what about going in, knowing more than the people whom you are serving. You are the teacher, they are the student. Clearly, they don’t know as much about life as you do – you’re American! They’re poor for a reason!
It scares me when I read that side of missions from full time missionaries, because honestly, I remember some of those thoughts and things that came out of my mouth.
And it makes me critical.
I don’t like to be critical of teams that work in Haiti, Uganda, China, Kazakhstan, or anywhere in the world. Why? Because they can be critical of me. Because I make the same mistakes that make me angry.
Missions trips are not about me. They’re not about you. I haven’t figured them out. But I’m warped by Haiti. It’s made me question everything that I do. Is it really the best route? Am I hurting someone by bringing an item to Haiti and giving it away? Am I hurting someone by being a part of a team?
I feel inadequate to go, because I don’t know how to contribute. But I can’t stop going. I miss my friends. My kids. My families.
Haiti has warped me.
